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The Ladybird Book of Data Analytics


“So what impact is our website having on the business? What demographics are visiting our website and where in the UK is our website traffic coming from Anthony?” questioned Sarah.

Nervously, Anthony replied “Errrrrrrrm. Hmmmmm. Well, I’m not sure Sarah to be honest.”

“You’re an idiot Anthony, you’re fired” proclaimed Sarah.

One month earlier.
Proud as punch, Anthony entered the MD’s office, swaggering like the man he always suspected he was, arms swinging like he was winning.
In the office, leaning across a desk of papers, a concentrative frown upon her brow, Sarah, the MD of the recruitment company became aware of Anthony’s presence, and without even looking at him offered a half serious, half playful glancing retort “You’ve either accomplished something, or you’ve been looking through my internet search history. Either way, spit it out why you’re so bloody happy as I have a meeting with the accountants in 5 minutes”.

“Well, I’m pleased to announce that the new website is now live Sarah! I am the saviour of the company!” Anthony meekly responded as if self-elevated to the heights of a deity.

“Well done! It’s taken bloody long enough. Now, I read recently that the search engines assess website pages based upon keywords and key phrases, plus they assess the density of these words to best serve the right sites to specific search engine searches. I trust that you researched popular search phrases for our sector and used the right keyword density to maximise organic SEO?” Sarah quipped.

At this point, knowing that he had screwed up, Anthony knew that there was only one route out of this pickle, and that was to lie through his arse “Errrrr, yes… that’s exactly what I have done.” Anthony stunk of fibs.

Perhaps subconsciously

anticipating Anthony’s incompetence, Sarah lowered her glasses and gave Anthony a peripheral glare, “Good work. Lets get the Data Analytics set up too so that we can have a bi-weekly report to develop weak pages and maximise successful ones, increasing stickiness, and minimising bounce rates. Do you know how to set all this up? If you don’t, then just outsource it to a local company.”

Feeling rather like a shrew that had unwittingly entered the lair of a vaguely attractive Python, Anthony began to back out the office, knowing that he was outgunned and outsmarted. “I’ve got this shit down boss. Don’t worry!”.

Anthony needed help and remembered that the Digital Paint Superhero “Tracker” was the Data Analytics King, so visited the website, entered his details and clicked on “Light the Beacon”.

Within the hour, the Digital Superheroes were in touch and had started the process to get his website Search Engine optimised, and Data Analytics set up so that Anthony could provide Sarah with the information she wanted to guide the company’s success, therefore making him a hero.

One month later
“So what impact is our website having on the business? What demographics are visiting our site and where in the UK is our website traffic coming from Anthony?” questioned Sarah.

Nervously, Anthony replied “We’ve had 840 visitors to the website which has increased by 15% weekly since the launch, our main visitor demography is females 36-45 in the Kettering area and they have been mainly originating from the 2 Linkedin posts we put up. I recommend promoting some posts and adding a specific landing page to the website to increase conversion within this market”

“You’re awesome Anthony, you’re promoted” proclaimed Sarah.
Alternate realities are possible by the way.

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